Grandma

First off I want to say Merry Christmas Eve! Dee and I are spending it here with our pups and heading to Michigan to spend next week with her family. Here's to hoping y'all are on the nice list. Oh and also check out Abe and Desiree's sister Fabi's remix of Joey's song posted earlier today.  It is beautiful.

Ben already touched on this but my favorite memories of Grandma are the Sunday dinners.  It was a great way to get re-charged for another week and get to chat and play cards with her.  We were supremely lucky that we got to do that so often.

A few other thoughts: even though I never got to meet Grandpa John I always felt that since I was bestowed his name for my middle that I was one of his favorite 4 grandsons.  Probably not true, but hey, I feel it anyway.  Throughout my life when things, good or bad, happened I always felt a strong presence watching out for me, and in my heart I always felt it was him. He and Grandma continued their partnership in that way, with him guiding from up there and her taking care of it down here   From isolation during cancer treatment, to Rika 2, to med school graduation and tons of stuff in between they were always there.  I would ask him for guidance, forgiveness, and simply company.  Most of the time during my crazier years, I thought that if Grandpa was around he'd probably be right in there with me living it up and having a good time, so the whole forgiveness thing was sometimes a mute point.  But now that Grandma's up there with him, I find myself acting a little more Christian, imbibing a little less and watching my step with closer vigilance.  Pretty sure should would not have appreciated a lot of the earlier stuff, that'll just stay my and Grandpa's secret.

When I was home for the funeral I spent a lot of time looking back at old pictures in my mom's albums.  One thing I noticed is that Grandma was always leaning in.  She was engaged. She listened. She cared.  She made you feel that at that tiny moment in time you were the only thing that mattered.  I loved that.  The only times I didn't notice it is when she had a beer in her hand and was sprawled on a deck chair. and I mean come on, we all need a break sometimes.  I have started using this as my life mantra of sorts, LEAN IN.  It's hard to do all the time.  Our world now puts everything we could ever want in our hands in the form phones, Ipads and computers.  We are always in a rush to get to the next patient, or meeting, or appointment. It's tough sometimes to appreciate what is smack dab right in your face.  Now that she is up there watching, I'm trying to emulate her selflessness. I think Grandpa would like it too.

Lean in.

Love you all so much,

Jake