Optimist: The Glass is Half Full.
Pessimist: The Glass is Half Empty.
Buddhist: The Glass is Empty.
Catholic: According to the church council held at Cappadocia many years ago, the sins of the world half emptied the glass, but Jesus came to assure us that the glass will be full again.
Protestant: The Glass is half full of water and completely full of the holy spirit.
Jain: The glass is half full of water that is teeming with tiny unseen creatures, and if you drink that, the bad karma goo of their deaths will adhere to your soul, dragging you down at death.
Jew: If I've only got a half-glass of water, I should only pay half-price.
Wiccan: This glass belongs in the west of our circle, where it can represent the power of Water.
Folkish Asatruar: This glass is half full of water that probably comes from some ground well that our good, pure, and true Teutonic ancestors never drank out of, so you can just pour this out.
Regular Asatruar: The glass is half full of a good chaser for these shots we're gonna do until one of us falls under the table. Hail Thor!
Traditional Witch: Would you top me off, please? I have to give at least half of this to the spirit of that Tree over there, and I'm kinda thirsty myself.
Rastafarian: Thanks mon, I got dee bad cottonmouth
Taoist: Notice how the water easily flows to the bottom of the glass, using the space perfectly and effortlessly. The Tao is like that. By making no effort, it fills all things.
Ceremonial Mage: This glass belongs in the west of our circle, where it can represent the power of Water. However, if you are working during the period of the Inverted Equinox, or if you are working with the special opening (and all of those pesky equilibrated signs) the elemental assignments in your circle WILL change, so pay attention to this chart- according to it, the watchtower of water, along with the Angels AADOPEDZE and BAHAZA (who are normally angels of the Fire Quadrangle) will now be invoked from the north, and the glass should be placed there.
Muslim: The glass has been wisely filled only half way, sparing the extra water for others. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) has said that water must not be wasted. God has spoken the truth.
General Hindu Mystic: Great Indeed are the glasses of water that have sprung from Brahman! OM
Follower of Vishnu: Vishnu has created this glass and the water and the one who has placed the water in it, and he alone determines, through karma, whether or not the perceiver of this glass shall describe it as "half full" or "half empty".
Follower of Shiva: Shiva has created this glass and the water and the one who has placed the water in it, and he alone determines, through karma, whether or not the perceiver of this glass shall describe it as "half full" or "half empty".
Follower of Krishna: This glass of water fulfills its dharma by holding water, and dispensing it when a thirsty man or woman needs a drink. If it did not, it would fall into transgression. But Krishna is a great light within all, and all glasses of water, and the thirsty men and women that come to drink from it, give praise to Krishna under a million names.
Atheist: The Glass is half empty.
Punchable Person: This glass is full. It's half full of water, and half full of air. You choose to ignore the air, but it has volume like anything else. And, you need it as much as you need water.
Beatnik: Laugh, you squiggly snake, who thrusts his pink tutu unseen in the great glass castle. Cry and dance for me, you piece of rubber hose, you rainbow lolly-pop that gurgles in the foam of the ocean! Oh yeah...
Scientologist: The E-meter detects at least eight strong Engrams in this water- no wonder it didn't have the courage to go all the way to the top. It can only unconsciously react to the effects of the traumas that hold it back. I'll do an auditing, but it'll cost 300 dollars for each hour.
